


prompts from my ex

by datshrmn



Series: prompts from my ex [1]
Category: Overwatch (Video Game)
Genre: Angst and Humor, Anxiety, Breakup, Fluff, Heartbreak, M/M, Slow Burn, Will update these things as I go along
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-10-21
Updated: 2018-10-09
Packaged: 2019-01-20 21:56:35
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 5,974
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12442599
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/datshrmn/pseuds/datshrmn
Summary: Jesse and Hanzo had dated, once. Now they're starting to find their footing again.(Aka, I sort through my own breakup through these two goofs with prompts that my ex gave me.) I promise this ain't all heartbreak and sadness. Not sure if it'll have a happy ending yet, but stick around cause there's plenty of happiness in here as I sift through my own good memories to juxtapose the bad.





	1. Prompt 1: Dog

**Author's Note:**

> First time writing for this fandom and posting it, with no beta. Super terrified to be posting this, but it's been sitting on my hard drive for months now. If anyone is down to edit sometime, hit me up. Feel free to leave comments and crit! Always looking to improve and get feedback. (Used to write a lot for TF2 under a different handle, so I'm trying to get back into the groove of things.)

**Part 1- Dog**

**Anything in bold is prompts/convo's between me and my ex post breakup. Hanzo and Jesse will mirror these to a degree.**

 

**_4:01am Shrub_ **

**_“btw can u toss some prompts my way_ **

**_even just one word things_ **

**_gotta kill time till the am”_ **

 

**_4:01am Tree_ **

**_“Dog prolapse.”_ **

 

**_4:02am Shrub_ **

**_“i am splitting that into two”_ **

 

Hanzo could feel the other’s eyes on him, following his every move, waiting on his every breath, craving touch or contact or any sort of attention he could receive. He could feel those big puppy dog eyes on him, waiting for a moment of weakness, when he would look over, and his frown would twitch ever so slightly and lose the battle.

 

The dog was Jesse’s idea; the dog was Jesse’s after the breakup. The dog once represented their deepening love, their commitment to each other and this small life.

 

Toast gave a happy bark when Hanzo caught his gaze on accident, happily trotting over as if his owners were still one whole and not two separate halves. The archer sighed, moving to sit cross legged on the floor as Toast plopped into his lap, happy, tail wagging and smacking off his arms. He was large, cumbersome, excited far too easily-

 

Just like Jesse.

 

The cowboy had to leave for an extended mission, and as much as they had been avoiding each other (And failing), he couldn’t leave the dog unattended. Hanzo woke that morning with a flustered McCree at his door, trying to avoid his eyes, arms full of Toast who barked happily at seeing his other owner after so long. “Han, I’m sorry to catch ya like this so early, I got called out last minute, and Toast seemed to be missing you, and I couldn’t bear the thought of him bein’ put in the crate and-”

 

Hanzo cut him off with a raised hand, eyes sharp, piercing into his ex. “Go on your mission. Toast will be fine.”

 

Jesse seemed relieved just at the sound of his voice- he smiled bright- the same dopey grin Toast was sporting, and then tipped his hat. “I owe ya mighty big, pard. I’ll try to find you a bottle of that sake you like.”

 

And then he was off, spurs jingling as he raced down the hall to the carrier.

 

Toast licked his face, his breath reeking of dog food and god knows what else.

 

Hanzo spent his morning going about his usual routines, plus one Toast, who managed to get caught between his feet as he happily tried to trot somewhere on top of and beside him at all times. Even when he accidently stepped on his paw, or caught his tail, the dog would give a small bark, then go right back to that overly loving and trusting face, and it made his insides churn. The dog was all too much like Jesse, too many reminders; it’s why he was so accepting of Jesse keeping him. Hanzo sighed, patting his head. “‘Toast, he has been over feeding you.” The dog only barked again, leaning into the touch, climbing up Hanzo's chest to get closer to his face.

 

It hurt even more to see the golden scarf around the dog's neck still, that matched the one he wore in his own hair. It reminded him how much he missed the cowboy, how at war he was with his feelings, with the choice he made.

 

Jesse was too loving, too trusting, too invested in him.

 

And Hanzo was too invested in the cowboy. It had been a long while that anyone other than Genji was on his mind, but as he fell for the cowboy, he became a constant thought. His touch, his smile, his well being. Hanzo was noticing more and more how distracted he was, whenever the other was off on a mission. Was he safe? Was someone watching his back? Who was the medic on his crew?

 

Who was he looking at with those big brown eyes, if not him. Who would mend the cowboys heart after all he had done to hurt him. Who would kiss him and hold him and tell him he’s over feeding their dog-

 

_“Han, would ya lookit that…” The cowboy had crouched down by a dumpster, giving Hanzo one hell of a view. He smirked, a deliberate coy tone in his voice. “I am looking, cowman. You do not need to ask me to look when I do plenty al-”_

_Hanzo’s brows shot up high when McCree turned, a dirty little pup in his arms, shivering. Its big brown eyes watched him, nervous but hopeful._

_Jesses eyes matched it._

 

Hanzo bit his lip, willing the pain away for just awhile longer. Just long enough so he could get lost in a task or a routine or a book or anything that made him miss the cowboy less. Anything to forget those eyes.

_“Then don’t leave me.”_

 

Toast barked loudly, his eyes bright, on Hanzo as he hopped on the spot, tugging on his pant leg. The archer sighed, getting up slowly and grabbing Toasts collar and leash, taking him along for a walk.

 

Jesse would be back tomorrow, and things would return to normal, and Hanzo would be alone again. As if the dog sensed the thought, he whined loudly, giving a sharp bark and stopping mid walk. The archer kneeled to pet his head, scratch behind his ears.

 

The dog gave such a dopey look, tongue lolling out. It brought a smile forth from the archer. He was quick to snap a photo, not thinking as he forwarded it to the gunslinger.

 

The response was immediate.

 

3:02PM

Honeybee sent an image.

 

Cowman: _my baby_

 

Honeybee: _He has gotten fat._

 

Cowman: _dont u dare tell him that he is a good boy_

 

Honeybee: _I am telling you in hopes of not forcing our dog to suffer from obesity due to your inability to stick to the portion sizes._

 

Cowman: _have u seen the way he looks at u when u dont give him xtra?_

 

Honeybee: _Yes, and I took him for an extra long jog as punishment._

 

Cowman: _u have no heart_

 

 

Hanzo spent the rest of the day with Toast in tow, as he cooked, as he went over mission strategies, battle simulations. He continued to look at his phone, seeing Jesse was online. He shouldn't be, not on a mission.

 

At the end of the night, Toast hopped up on the bed, curling up with him as the archer finished off his jug of sake, pleasantly warm. Anything to make up for the cold ache in his chest.

 

Jesse would be back tomorrow, and Toast would be gone again. No more big brown eyes to look up at him.

 

He passed out, holding the dog close.

 

He wasn’t awake when McCree slipped in, kneeling by the bed, lingering too long as he gazed at the him and their dog sleeping quietly.

 

 

**_Tree Last online 13 hours ago_ **


	2. Prompt 2: Nicotine

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey guys. Chapter 2 got looked over by a few people, but still looking for a beta! Again, feedback and crit is always welcome! Still got a few chapters I'm sorting through and retouching up. The next chapter is MASSIVE, so I apologize in advance. Hope you all like it! :) If you wanna pm me ever, I'm datshrmn on tumblr.

**_12:09 PM_ **

**_Tree:_ _Lets not do the whole u smoke i smoke thing_ _  
_ _Shrub: Good. U stay quit, and i will too_ **

**_Tree: Ill try but that whole system is dum_ **

**_Shrub: I just didn't want u smoking cause of us_**  
_  
_ _Tree: Same_  
****__  
_Shrub: I'm done smoking away heartbreak_  
_My ruined credit tho  
__That's truly troubling_

 

When Jesse returned from his mission, the anxiety threatened to overwhelm him. Another mission where he shot distracted, his aim never ringing as true as it should. The comms oddly quiet, lacking his own cheerful voice, teasing and joking on the job. It wasn’t just the lack of Hanzo that was gumming him up, it was the inability to do anything about it. Too scared to push him, to scare him away. To make him run. McCree had always been a man of action; something to say? Say it. Something to do? Do it. If something plagued his heart, he fixed it. His whole life had worked this way, sometimes for the good, sometimes for the worse, but at least he lived true. Said what he needed to, lived without regrets.  
  
But this, he couldn’t fix. He couldn’t risk losing Hanzo more than he already had. It left him feeling like an arrow had been shot through his throat. He was scared to act, almost crippled by the ache that overwhelmed him.  
  
Toast was licking at his face happily, tail wagging hard when his phone vibrated.

 

 _Honeybee changed user Cowman to McCree._  
  
_Honeybee changed user Honeybee to H. Shimada_  
  
_Jesse sat up immediately, sucking in a sharp breath._

_McCree: …_

_McCree: i frgot we didnt change those_

_Shimada: It is alright. It slipped my mind as well._  
  
_McCree: u holding up ok?_  
  
_Shimada is offline._

Every time thoughts of his archer- no- _the_ archer would take over (and who was he kidding, they were the only thing floating about in his head) it was like that hole in his throat grew more and more and air just wouldn’t get through to the rest of his body. He had many panic attacks in his life, anyone in their field did, but these werent them. It was like a complete and total suffocation, heart becoming an ocean that slowly rose up and blocked anything till all he had was the pulsing ache in his chest of where Hanzo should have been. His neck burned hot where he had once felt Hanzo’s hair brush against it. His fingers itched and twitched at the lack of the other's hand. His serape did nothing to warm him the way Hanzo’s body had.  
  
Everyone noticed when the cowboy donned it again.  
  
_Hanzo’s flushed skin was hidden behind the red fabric, the mans face barely peaking out. Jesse reached out, smiling bright as he helped pull the other’s hair out from the bundle. “Told ya you were cold. Always runnin' around with yer chest out.”_  
  
_“You are incorrect. You forced it upon me.”_  
  
_“Ya aint givin it back, sug.”_  
  
_All he received was a huff as the archer burrowed further in, hands shoved into his pockets as he walked ahead._  
_The cowboy barely even noticed how loud he was laughing as he sauntered along behind, the chill non existent thanks to the warmth blooming through his chest, threatening to fill him._  
_  
“It smells like your cigarettes. You should wash it.”_

He hadn’t realized his fingers were shaking till he reached for a smoke, pocketing it and moving quickly out of his room. Toast followed along quietly, as if feeling his tension. Lately smoking had been the only thing to keep him calm, to numb his feelings. Alcohol only amplified them- not that it stopped him from drinking. Coffee helped keep his dreams short, but it didn’t stop the memory of them. The taste of his lips, the smell of his hair, the feeling of tracing the dragon that trailed up his arm and chest. When he and Hanzo had started dating, he had quit smoking. He had been clean for nine months. The cigarette in his pocket felt heavy, everywhere he went he swore others could smell the smoke on him, the smell of the fragrant tobacco, the smell of his heartbreak and anxiety. Shame coiled in his gut every time he lifted one to his lips. Every deep inhale filled the empty broken bits of him in all the wrong ways.

_“Why do you smoke, McCree?”_

_“Reckon old habits die hard.”_

_“And what started your habit?” Hanzo tilted his head ever so slightly as he regarded him, the two on a stakeout mission in Ilios._

_“Read a book once about a gunslinger. Was my favourite thing to read- ah read it to my ma over and over. There’s this kid- Jake- kills a guy for the first time. Him and the head honcho gunslinger; Roland, they sit there all quiet like, thinking ‘bout everyone that died, how Jake’s friend had died tryin’ to help him. Then Jake asks for a smoke, cause now that he’s killed a man, it makes him a man too, yknow?”_  
  
_“So you started smoking because of a coming of age tale about a young cowboy?”_  
  
_“Nope. Started smoking after I shot someone for the first time. Bullet hit true, right between his eyes. My first day in Deadlock. Was all twisted up inside about it, then ah remembered Jake and Roland. So ah went up to Deadlock and asked for a smoke.”_  
  
_Hanzo watched him silently for a good long while. The cold brown eyes made his skin itch, made his voice catch in his throat._  
  
_“Your life isn’t worth your mistakes. Quit smoking. Your time in Deadlock isn’t worth dying for.”_  
  
_His own eyes were wide as he regarded Hanzo. Neither noticed that he had dropped his cigarette from their perch._

The air was cold on his skin, and the nicotine made him feel less like he was drowning and more like he was floating calmly in the middle of a lake. Capable of sifting through feelings and memories without feeling the pressure on his chest. He looked up at the stars, breathing out a plume of smoke, clouding his view.  
  
_The archer, coughed, waving his hand through the cloud. “You are ruining the meteor shower, fool.”_  
  
_“Hell, Han. It’s goin on all night, ya ain't missin’ much. “_  
  
_“And who said I will sit out here with you the whole evening?”_  
  
_Jesse hummed softly. “Reckon no one did, but ah got some whiskey, and we got a hell of a view.” His eyes never left Hanzo._  
_Hanzo matched his hum, reaching over silently and plucking the cigarette from his lips. He took a long drag before blowing it in the others face, smirking ever so slightly. The cowboy sputtered, waving the cloud away._  
  
_“Now you know how it feels. Do not impede my viewing.”_  
  
_“Noted, darlin’. Gotta say, you make smokin’ look good.” The archer blushed, turning away to look up at the stars. “Would do just about anything you asked when yer lookin’ like that.”_  
  
_Hanzo took another drag, this time savoring it as he closed his eyes. His lips parted ever so slightly as smoke began to drift out from between them. The archer's eyes opened as a wicked smirk took over, the smoke billowing high, like a dragon. “You will not let another smoke touch your lips unless it is I who put it there.”_  
  
_The cowboy felt like the air had been ripped from his chest, something warm pooling in his gut at the sight of Hanzo, the sound of his voice, the commanding presence he had._  
_Goddamn it he was head over heels.  
Jesse couldn’t remember the meteor shower. Only the way Hanzo had seemed to light up every time he saw something move in the sky, quickly pointing it out, cold dark eyes warm and wide as he watched, flushed cheeks matching the red of the serape. How warm his fingers had been when he reached under his serape and took his cigarettes away from him without a word._

He thumbed the fabric, tracing the gold that was oh so similar to the gold hair band the other wore. How was it that when Hanzo left, it was like he took every bit of Jesse McCree and left only memories of himself. How was that fair?  
  
It wasn’t. Every bit of himself had fallen away, drained from him, leaving only his racing heart, lungs filled with smoke, and phantom touches and whispers.  
  
The gunslinger looked at his phone, at the open chat window with Hanzo. Online, but not messaging him. He’d been doing this for two months now, staring at Hanzo’s chat window but never saying anything.

 

When had he stopped being himself? He had to do something, had to say something. It felt wrong otherwise, felt like he’d lose Hanzo for good if he didn’t try.

 

 _2:42am_  
_McCree: i started smoking again._  
_McCree last online 1 minute ago._

 

  
**_Shrub online._ ** **_  
_ ** **_Tree online._ **

**_Shrub changed username Tree to Trist._ **

**_Shrub changed username Shrub to Share._ **


	3. Prompt 3: Prolapse

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Where he had dropped so suddenly from his life.

_verb_   
_“_ **_Prolapse_ ** _literally means "to fall out of place", from the Latin prolabi meaning "to fall out". “_   


**_Shrub last online 2 days ago_ **

 

It was on the field doing a routine scouting mission that his thoughts distracted him, and Genji was the one who paid for his inability to focus. A bullet through an arm, which was easily fixed later on their carrier, but a bullet Hanzo could have stopped nonetheless, if he were paying attention. Instead, he was busy casually flirting with McCree over their own private comm as he covered the area from above. His eyes would flick from Genji to the back of McCree, voice teasing as he made lewd comments.   
It was his brothers cursing that caught him off guard, shook him out of his own little world.   
  
He had tried to spot him, realizing that he had not followed, did not announce to the team that he lost sight of his brother. The yell had sent a chill through him, reminded him of the cherry blossoms falling, of blood on the tatami mats of their home, of Genji’s angry betrayed eyes.   
  
Hanzo was running on the ground before he even came out of the memory, his body in a cold sweat, stomach churning. When he rounded the corner and saw the dismembered gang members, Genji standing tall and proud and inspecting his own wound, the guilt tripled.   
  
He had thought on it for well over a month, slowly pulling away from Jesse; the other noticed, giving him more and more concerned looks each day, but never questioning. Hanzo was turning in on himself, the way a pangolin would curl up and hide within its shell. Jesse continued to try, though. Touching him, holding him as they laid together. Chatting about his day to fill the odd silences between them. Yet Hanzo remained numb, emotionless. It was how he thought, how he coped, alone in the dark and deep waters of his thoughts, the water red with the blood of those he could never forget.   
He could tell the lack of attention was starting to eat at Jesse. He didn’t initiate, didn’t reciprocate, didn’t offer…   
Just accepted Jesse’s never ending kindness, his loving touches, his kisses.   
One of their last nights together, Jesse was smiling through his own anxiety as Hanzo had returned to their room. Took him into his arms and asked how his day was. His answers were automatic.   
_Long._   
_I am tired._   
_I wish to shower alone._   
When they stripped for bed, he laid with his back turned to the cowboy, feeling like the bloody water was slowly drowning him from the inside. He curled in a little tighter, fighting the nausea.   
  
He felt the fleeting touch over his abdomen, splaying out, a kiss pressed to his neck. Not pressing or insistent.   
Loving, an offer to be loved and cared for.   
  
He did not move. Jesse gave up, his hand sliding back to himself. The cowboy remained on his side, his forehead pressed to Hanzo’s back, as if to say _“I am right here.”_   
After what felt like hours, he felt a panic run through his body like a bullet. He turned quick, pressing into the cowboy in fear that he was gone. He returned the fleeting touch over his abdomen, fingers shaking.   
  
_Forgive me,_   
  
_I’m sorry._   
  
Jesse breathed softly, probably asleep a long while ago while Hanzo ignored him. Seemingly alright with letting Hanzo treat him… Like this.   
  
No more.   
  
It pushed the point that they were two different people.

It was when Jesse had caught a fever after travelling that it slipped. The cowboy was giving him a lazy grin, flu meds blurring his judgement. Hanzo lay with him, cradling the drugged cowboy close, face twisted as his thoughts ate at him, fingers gently combing out the others sweaty locks.  
  
_“Han, I know something's up. I swear, the more you look at me like that the more I feel like you might break my heart.” His voice was cheery, his drawl dragged out thanks to the meds he had been prescribed. (The foolish man couldn’t handle any form of drugs for the life of him, always ending up in a happy, cuddly daze.) But he was serious. Damn him, damn him for smiling like that, like Hanzo was everything, like he couldn’t hurt him._   
  
_“It is because I am.” His heart felt heavy, like his old blade. Burning, dragging him deeper into the water._   
  
_“Was it something I did? Something I said?”_   
  
_“Rest, cowman. We can talk when you are well.”_   
  
_“Darlin’, if yer gonna break up with me, then just do it. Quit drawin it out like this.”_

 

 _Hanzo could barely find the voice or the oxygen to form a sentence. “I.. I need space from you- I am not comfortable hurting you like this. You deserve better.”_   
  
_He thrust the blade in._   
  
_“Piss off with that bullshit, Hanzo. You aint the one to decide what I deserve and what I dont-”_   
  
_“I do because I love you and do not want you to settle for any less than what you are worth, and I am far less than that.”_   
_  
And twisted it for all it was worth._

 

The archer stared at the ceiling, going over it again and again. The way Jesse had laughed, as if he were joking. The way he curled into him, kissing his hand and promising to talk about it when he was better. Hanzo did not wait for him to get better. He had taken a mission the minute he left Jesse’s room, asking Angela to watch over the feverish cowboy.  
  
Their next “talk” would happen a full week after.

 

 _Cowman: Han, ur making a mistake. Please, sweetpea. I don’t know what I did but please talk to me._   
  
_Honeybee: You did nothing wrong._   
_  
Cowman: Then why the hell are you leaving me? Weren't you happy?_

 _  
_ _Honeybee: I was not._

 

_Cowman: then what the hell was wrong???_

 

_Honeybee: How could I be happy knowing I was hurting you?_

 

_Cowman: u werent hurtin me_

_Han_

_where the hell are you?_

 

_Honeybee offline._

 

 _Hanzo cursed when his phone began to ring. He would not ignore it, he could not ignore Jesse, even if his life depended on it. He answered the call, unable to form a greeting._   
_  
“Hanzo, listen to me baby, you ain't hurt me a goddamn bit, so don't you dare do this. Ah know how much you overthink things, please, just talk it out like we do everythin’ else; how have you hurt me?”_

 

 _The archer bit down on his fist, his sob gross and loud, audible over the call. He wanted Jesse to hold him, wanted to feel him and smell him and taste him._   
  
_“Honeybee, where are you. Lemme come hold you. Please, ah don't wanna hear you like that.”_   
_  
He shut his eyes, drawing his legs tight to his chest. _

 

 _“Darlin’. Ah ain't lettin you breakup with me. Ah love you, and ah know you love me, so ah ain't lettin-”_   


_“Shut up, Jesse. Just shut up. Stop talking about it. Talk about anything but. I broke up with you, and I cannot go back to you. I need space and time and I do not wish to talk about this.”_   
  
_“Are you alone?”_   
  
_He remained silent._   
_  
“Then ahm gonna keep talkin. Don't care if you dont wanna talk about breakin’ up, ah don't want you feelin’ alone either. Ahm gonna ramble till the goddamn sun rises. Didja know ah was blonde once? Dyed it for an undercover job. Worked at a beach like fuckin’ Baywatch. I wrote a book once, was about a cowboy livin in a post apocalyptic world where everyone was moved like chess pieces it didn’t make a lick of sense cause ah would only write when ah was drunk but ah spent months writing that thing when ah was a kid-”_

 _“Jesse please, stop.”_   
_“Ah broke my toe once during sex. Someone dropped down to suck me off and landed with their full weight on my big toe and ah cried for a solid hour-”_   
_“Jesse! Stop talking!”_   
_The cowboy was mercifully silent._ _  
“I need space from you. I do not want to talk to you anymore.”_

_“Hanzo, ah love you. Ah don’t care how much space you need, take it. Ah’ll stay away, but don't do this. Don’t end us. “_

_“I have to, Jesse.” He had to because of the risk it brought down upon those around them. He had to to protect Genji and their team. To protect Jesse._   
_“Does it feel right, in yer chest? Does it feel right to break it off with me?”_   
_Hanzo was afraid to answer, to agree with him that it did not feel right. But neither did things as they were. Laying there and seeing the hurt in his lovers eyes when he wouldn't reciprocate his kind words or gentle touches._   
_“Then don’t. We can give each other space, we can take a break… But don’t do this, Hanzo.”_   
_“I love you, Jesse. “_ _  
He hung up, phone dropping to the bed as he wept. _

 

 _Dropping the blade, his hands soaked in blood._   


  


**_Tree last online 5 days ago._ **

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey guys! I had chapter 3 sitting here for ages and sort of forgot about it while school got crazy hectic. Also, fun fact; I was married once, and the end of that was farrr different than the break-up that inspired this fic.  
> Had my fantastic rp partner glance it all over, but please let me know if there are any mistakes! Hoping to write the next chapter over the next few weeks. Been having some health problems so I've had a lot more time to work on this.  
> I know this chapter was super sad, but next one is going to focus on happier times, with hopefully more happier times to follow! :D


	4. Prompt 4: I don't want to hurt

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> H. Shimada online.
> 
> McCree:  
> Hanzo y rnt u here.
> 
> H. Shimada:  
> I required an evening to myself. I also loathe game night, you know this.
> 
> McCree:  
> Bcus of me?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Wow this update is late as hell! Sorry y'all, school has been roasting me.  
> This is the happy chapter y'all wanted! No beta, but please let me know if you see any errors! This might be the last "happy" chapter for a bit. 
> 
> Brace yourselves for some dumb drunk texts that may or may not mirror some dumb messages I sent. The drunk texts were weird to format, so apologies in advance!

**_7:48PM Share:_ **

**_Doesn't matter that all class I was trying not to think of you_ **

**_Fyckung_ **

**_I K now better than this_ **

**_I wanted to kiss you yesterday_ **

**_Even if it was once I wanted to…_ **

 

**_7:54pm_ ** **_  
_ ** **_I don't know what to do share_ **

**_I just had a little crush on you but it's getting stronger_ **

**_All I know is I don't want to hurt_ **

* * *

 

Jesse was plastered, outright obliterated. He laughed hard, leaning heavily on Genji as he reached for his tile. Team game night; Carcassonne. Reinhardt had insisted on the game, Genji had insisted on him coming.

  
Hanzo couldn’t make it, and it was like the lack of the other got him drunker, less focussed. He had lost interest in the game long ago, flicking through his phone as everyone played and laughed, only interrupting here and there to slur out a question.

  
“Alright alright, here me out. So ah like this guy and ah mean, ah have no clue if he likes me, but ah told him yesterday, and ah told him he aint gotta worry about it and that ah was gonna let the feelin’s die and all that, like a true professional. Shouldn't be datin’ or nothin’ anyways, right? Were soldiers and all that.” His accent was thicker than usual, words cut off and slurred.

  
Genji sighed, and if he could _hear_ a cyborg roll his eyes, he was sure he just did.

  
Shit, well, Genji did have human eyeballs left. “And who is the mystery man?”

  
“Ah mean, ah met him a while back, y’all aint know him.”

  
Zenyatta gave a teasing hum. “Sure. We all have many acquaintances from before the recall. Did the mystery man seem interested when you told him?”

  
“Ah mean, he said he might’ve liked me before, but now with everythin’ goin’ on- the recall, ah mean, that he prolly shouldnt. First ah thought just gettin it offa my chest would help, but it dint. Went to my room all frustrated, like somethin’ was wrong.”

  
“You went to your room from seeing this mystery man? Does he live on the base?”  
The table was filled with knowing little laughs, but McCree didn’t hear them, sure that his rouse was foolproof.

  
“Ah walked from town after goin’ out for beer with ‘im.”

“Sure, McCree. So, is that who you keep messaging?”

  
“Ah shut it, so what if ah am?”

  
“We’ve skipped your turn five times now.”

  
“Juss put down a tile for me, and pass me another beer.”

  
Tracer laughed, placing his tile and sliding over another beer. Jesse took a long swig, staring at his phone.

After the tank of a man began to overthink his tile placement, Jesse lost his concentration, eyes drifting to his phone again. He flicked the screen on, eyeing Hanzo’s username.  
  
  
_H. Shimada online._  
  
_McCree:  Hanzo y rnt u here._  
  
_H. Shimada:  I required an evening to myself. I also loathe game night, you know this._

_McCree: Bcus of me?_  
  
_H. Shimada: What? No; Jesse, this has nothing to do with yesterday. How much have you been drinking?_

_McCree: Doesn't matter_  
_  
all day I was trying not to think of you_

_Fyckung_

_I K now better than this_

_I wanted to kiss you yesterday_

_I was gonna till gnji showed up_

_Then lima_

_Even if it was once I wanted to_

_I don't feel guilty when in with you_

_I'm*_

_t I'm drunk atm_

_But when I was sober, all day I wanted to see you_ _this is my fault tho_

_I shouldn't have said n e thing_

_I just_

_I wanted to say that_

_And I wanted to say I'm sad I fucked this up_

_That's all_

_I'm gonna drink this beer then go to bed_

_Night night handsoap_  
  
  
“Why does he gotta be so wonderful though. Ah feel like ah fucked it all up, Genji. Just wanna tell him I’m sorry.”

  
Genji sighed, pulling away from Jesse’s side where he was chancing a glance at his phone. “Perhaps you should stop feeling as if you have done wrong and consider your own feelings more; if you like him as much as you say you do.”

  
“Ah do.”

  
“Then stop regretting being honest. Honesty is attractive.”

  
Zenyatta rest his chin in his hands.”Since when have you become so skilled in guiding others?” The cyborg smirked, eyes glowing ever so slightly brighter as he put an arm around the monk.

 

“Could have happened somewhere between me wanting to murder everyone and me getting laid.” The monk smacked the other lightly, jokingly chastising him. McCree did not notice any of it, staring at his phone again.

_McCree:Genji said I had to consider my own feelings before Evey other thing, so that's what this is. He don't know who I was talking about.)_

_He gonna lay off from teasing me tho_

_why is he teasing me so much_  
  
_H. Shimada: Jesse stop blaming yourself. Drink some water. Are you alone?_  
  
_McCree: Drinkin’ more beer. Tastes like pine. Reminds me of camping._  
  
_H. Shimada: Jesse go to sleep._  
  
_McCree: han can i go for a walk with u pls_

“I’m going for a walk with him.”

  
Tracer jumped up from the table. “Luv, you’re drunk as a skunk you shouldn't be talking to Hanzo like that-”

  
“No, ah just wanna talk with him- wait, it ain’t Hanzo. Its my friend from town.”

  
“You shouldn't walk to town like this.”

 

“Ahve walked through worse, alright?”  
  
  
_H. Shimada:  I am outside by the garden. Bring water._

_McCree: fv mints_

  
Hanzo was leaning against a wall, arms crossed as he stared up at the sky. ‘Fv mints’ he assumed meant five minutes.

 

Jesse focussed with every bit of his brain to walk straight. It was drizzling, the water nice on his flushed skin. He pulled his hat off, giving Hanzo a small tug as he started walking down the path.

  
“Howdy.”

  
“You reek of booze.”

  
“Ah, it’ll wear off soon now that I’m out and about.”

  
“Yes, my own buzz is wearing off. “ He did not look up.

  
“Hanzo, lookit me. Ah know ahm drunk, but ah wasn’t lyin’. Shouldn't have said anything yesterday. Shoulda let my little crush die, and ah didn't mean to make things weird between us. Ah love our friendship too much… But now that ah went and said it, ah gotta say, my biggest regret was not kissin’ you yesterday.”

  
“Jesse, you did not make things weird… I... “ His eyes were so beautiful in the dark like this, the moonlight catching in little golden flecks. He reached out on impulse, flesh hand brushing back the others bangs. Hanzo bit his lip, sighing, looking up at him. “I don’t know what to do, McCree… I did not lie to you when I said the interest was not one sided.”

  
Jesse’s heart stuttered, breath catching. “Then why-” Hanzo cut him off, brows furrowed.

 

“All I do know is that I do not want to hurt anymore-” Before Hanzo could finish, lightning cut them off, and just as quickly as the lightning struck, the rain came down in waves. Jesse’s drunken mind took it all in slowly, laughing loudly as Hanzo grabbed his hand and ran, pulling him into the garage. He stumbled over his boots, body heavy with the wet clothing.

 

Both were drenched, panting from the run.

 

Hanzo hadn’t let go of his hand.

 

“Now is not the time to build something dear off of something bad- I am here because I am indebted to Genji. I am repenting. This is not a time for me to try and have something precious after tossing away the most precious thing in the world-”

 

“And ah think yer being an idiot putting those two things together. Genji aint gonna look at this and think “Hell, he ain't worth forgiving,” not to mention, he already done his forgiving, Han.”

 

“You say that and also proudly boast of Genji being your closest friend- I am beginning to think you are not a very good friend at all.”

 

“Genji is my best friend and I think he wouldn’t hold it against me to actually do something meaningful for once in my fucking life-”

 

“So what then- you want to kiss me right now? Even though we could both die tomorrow in battle? Even though I am unsure if Overwatch will even keep me after my probation? Even though my priority will always be Genji and _never_ you?”

 

The cowboy listened, brows furrowed as he did his best to concentrate. His cowboy hat was dripping. He knocked it back to the ground, squeezing his hand tighter.

 

His smile was brilliant, tears pricking at the corner of his eyes.

 

“Yeah. Ah want ya to kiss me right now.”

 

And Hanzo did. Hanzo kissed him hard enough for their teeth to clack, Jesse clinging to his shirt and hair like a lifeline as the archer practically threw him up again the wall.

 

Jesse could barely breathe, could barely focus, his mind and body all hypnotized by the shorter man pressed tight against him. He felt like he was floating, his worries about straining their friendship melting away, the wet clothing, the mud, the cold..  
  
  
His fear was forgotten.  
  
  
It was forgotten in favor of the warmth of Hanzo’s lips, how soft his skin and hair felt, how hot his body felt pulled against him.  
  
  
When they finally did pull apart, both of them were panting like old men who ran a marathon, cheeks and necks flushed. Jesse’s hands found their way to Hanzo’s hips. “There’s cameras here… Should continue the conversation elsewhere, Hanzo…” His voice was low and rough and the way he whispered Hanzo’s name was something close to reverence, worship. The archer watched him, eyes dark, body twitching at the words.

  
“We shouldn't be doing this…”

  
“A shame, cause we already are.” This time the cowboy took his hand, tugging him out of the garage. The rain had slowed back to a drizzle.

 

Jesse kept his hand held tight, leading him along a trail around the base. No cameras out here.

 

It took no time at all for Jesse to stop by a tree, licking his lips. “Lemme kiss you again.”  
  
  
Hanzo answered with his lips.

* * *

 

**_5:44PM  Share:_ **

**_couldn't believe it happened_ **

**_Like I felt like I was floating_ **

**_Couldn't stop thinking about it all day_ **

**_I remember the rain, your lips, how soft you were_ **

**_Don't remember being cold or muddy_ **

**_Or scared_ ** ****_  
_ **_I don't think I'm ever going to have something that special again_ ** **_  
_ ** ****_So thank you._

 

**_Trist online._ **

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading everyone! I'd love crit and feel free to message me if you got a prompt or a request!


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